MOTHER'S DAY & 7 MONTHS

I found it appropriate to start this post with what I posted on Facebook on Mother's day:

"I JUST POSTED A "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY" POST, BUT I HAD TO POST AND THANK JESUS CHRIST MY LORD AND SAVIOUR FOR BLESSING MY LIFE MORE THAN I EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE. I WAS TOLD I ONLY HAD A 5-10% CHANCE OF EVER HAVING CHILDREN AND I WAS BLESSED WITH TWO BEAUTIFUL LITTLE MIRACLE BOYS. THANK YOU GOD THAT ONE CALLS ME "MOMMY" ...AND THE OTHER WILL TOO BEFORE LONG. I THANK "HIM" FOR THIS MOTHER'S DAY & GIVE HIM PRAISE & GLORY!"

It's wild sometimes for me to actually think of where I "was" and where I "am" now.  I never wanted children when I was younger and then when I was very close to 30 I started having dreams about me holding my own child.  I tried to push those dreams out of my head and couldn't figure out why I had to keep having these "awful" dreams...LOL  As the years went on, I finally realized that it must have been God putting that desire in my heart because it only got stronger and stronger.  My ex husband at that time DID NOT want children and pretty much "forbid" me to ever get pregnant.   I really never thought it would happen and I was in such a state of depression because I wanted children with everything in me and I was actually willing to "give up that dream" for HIM.  Fast forward a couple of years after my divorce.....when I met Scott he had a 5 year old daughter at that time and I fell in love with her immediately.  Every other weekend that we had her I played "mommy" for the weekend and enjoyed every second of it.  We did hair and played with dolls and went shopping together, etc...I wished so bad that I had a "little girl" of my very own.  Scott and I talked about having children before we got married and he knew how badly I wanted a child.  He knew he wanted another one too.  We started trying immediately and as most of you know, the road was not an easy one.  Our story is on here and if you haven't read it, please feel free to do so by clicking on "Our Story" on the main page.  After dealing with infertility and the loss of twins my very first pregnancy, I never in a million years thought I'd eventually have a baby.....and especially TWO babies!!!  I just feel so completely and totally blessed and content and the funny thing is...that desire for a "little girl of my own" went away.  I can't explain it but there is this "special" thing about having boys and their relationship with their mommy is indescribable.  When either of them are sick or sad or angry, they want their mommy.  Don't get me wrong, they love their daddy beyond words, but they are both definitely "Mommy's boys"...and I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm home with them all day every day.  I wouldn't trade either of them for a little girl!!!  Every time I look at either of them my heart completely melts and I fall in love over and over and over again.  My desire is that we will always stay close and when they are grown men I hope they will NEVER outgrow their mama. 

Speaking of little boys, I cannot even believe Cameron is 7 months old already.  He's trying his darnedest to crawl.  He rolls all over the living room floor.  Yesterday he got stuck UNDERNEATH my coffee table..LOL  He gets on his belly and flops backwards like a fish with his arms & legs going a million miles a minute trying to figure out how to get up and crawl...it's so cute/funny!  He's also just about sitting up on his own, he can do so in about 5 minute stretches before he nose dives forward or topples over sideways or backwards.  He also has his brother's terrible temper when he doesn't get his way.....I keep joking that we need a case of earplugs in this house!  He is also not fond of being strapped into ANYTHING.  When we go anywhere in the car, sometimes he screams the entire way, whether it's a 5 minute trip or a two hour trip.  His brother did the SAME exact thing.  He's at the tail end of an almost 2 month bout of diarrhea....I had to get stool samples from him (let me tell you how much I NEVER want to have to do that again).  Everything came back normal so they aren't sure what caused it.  It could have been Rotavirus, which is VERY common in small babies.

I've been lazy about potty training Brayden because he's been fighting me the whole way, wanting to stay in CONTROL.  I've tried on & off since he turned 2 and then didn't feel like bothering with it when I was pregnant with Cameron and then obviously I had a newborn in the house which left NO TIME.  So, now that life is finally starting to get "normal" again, I decided to try a method that several moms suggested.  Basically I had him stripped down naked from the waist down and set his potty chair in the living room where we spend our days.  I told him he was not to potty on the floor and that when he felt like he needed to go, he was to sit on the potty chair.  It worked like a charm and it literally took ONE DAY and he had it down pat!  He's doing GREAT unless I put underwear on him.  He was in diapers/pull-ups for so long that he associates anything covering his bottom as fair game to pee in.  We went through 3 pairs of underwear yesterday!  He'll eventually get the hang of the underwear thing.  It's strange because as long as his pants are off....he goes potty like a charm all on his own and has to show me every single time:-)

If you remember my last post I talked about the struggles I've been having with post-partum anxiety/panic attacks.  Well, I'm happy to report that the panic attacks are MUCH better...they have pretty much ceased for the time being and I'm hoping they are gone for good!  The daily anxiety is still there all day long, but they are still messing around with medication to help in the meantime.  My doctor is convinced that it's a physical/hormonal thing and that it will all straighten out eventually once my hormones get back to normal.  I hope he's right!  At least I'm able to function now and I'm back to getting "some" sleep at night instead of "none". 

The boys and I are flying to Michigan the first week of June for a two week stay.  We will be riding back down with my mom and bringing my step-daughter down here for her summer visit.  I'm excited to see her.  We haven't seen her since October when we were in Michigan for Scott's dad's funeral.  I'm not so sure I'm thrilled about flying with a 3 year old and 7 month old so I'm praying that it goes better than I'm expecting it to go!

I can't remember if I mentioned this before in earlier posts, but Scott and I have been surviving on ONE CAR for the 2 years now.  We did it to save money, etc...and it's been a total nightmare trying to get to appointments, etc..because he doesn't work near home.  Every time I needed the van for something, I had to drag Brayden and I up early, drive Scott to work, then make sure we were there at 5:00 to pick him up.  We finally decided to look for a used car and pay for it with our tax refund.  We ended up getting a 1999 Volkswagen Passat for Scott to use as a work car.  We bought it about two months ago but it needed some work done.  I'm excited to report that today is the first day that Scott has FINALLY driven it and I actually have the van home with me today.....woohoo!!!  He got the plates/tags for his car during his lunch hour yesterday and now I'm praying that the car lasts for at least a couple of years (or longer).  It's going to be so nice to be able to get the boys out sometimes when we get cabin fever or we need to go to an appointment and maybe I'll even join a playgroup so Brayden will have other kids to play with once a week or so.  I cannot even tell you how excited I am.  I've felt like I've been in prison for two years stuck at home all day long every day without being able to go anywhere!

I guess that's about it for updates.....now for a bunch of random pictures.....some of these are from immediately after Cameron was born.   I never got to see them because my mom took them all and they've been on her camera ever since.  I finally uploaded them all off of her camera onto my computer!  It was kind of neat to see some of them for the first time all these months later.  Of course, I cried like a baby reliving that day!

This was 4 days before I had Cameron!

One of my last NST (Non-Stress Tests)

Brayden playing on the laptop in the delivery room

Shortly after getting into the delivery room before the "fun" began

Mommy's first look at her TINY miracle...thank God the doctors hands were in the way or it would have been one heck of a "money shot"....cord was still attached here

Nurse bringing Brayden up to my bed immediately after I had Cameron....he didn't like the "red stuff" all over his baby brother...LOL The lady holding Brayden actually had her first babies (twins) at 46 years old via IVF using donor eggs

Brayden seeing his brother close up for the first time.

About an hour after giving birth

Brayden got a present from his baby brother in the hospital...it was a "Wolverine" (from X Men) toy

Proud Grandma

All cleaned up

Big brother's first time holding "his baby"

Leaving the hospital. Don't mind the BIG squint...I have very sensitive eyes and I had no idea where my sun glasses were.

Gosh I can hardly remember him being this tiny....he's growing way too fast:0(

I NEVER take pics without my makeup on but with a newborn at home & sleep deprivation, I really didn't care this day:-)